Soothing Blue Background

Things I Need To Work On

2011-12-25T23:54:00.000-08:00

Not saying "it's okay" when it's not okay.

And it's not okay to not give me a wrapped present on Christmas.

Ever.

It's Tough Being A Writer...

2011-11-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

... who's lost the desire to write.

I definitely need to work on that.

Certain Observations About The Office

2011-06-22T13:41:00.000-07:00

The percentage of people willing to actually talk with you, rather than at you, decreases in direct proportion to your need to have someone to talk with.

The percentage of people you have no desire with whom to converse coming by your cubicle to converse increases in direct proportion to the lack of desire you have to converse with them combined with the lack of time you have to converse with them.

The chance of anyone you'd like to go to lunch with actually asking you to go to lunch with them is exactly none whatsoever.

The chance of anyone you'd like to go to lunch with going with people with whom you have no desire to go to lunch with is exactly one hundred percent.

I Know This Will Come As A Shock To Some People...

2011-06-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

... but I do have talent.

I do get it right the first time sometimes.

I don't need everyone automatically assuming they always know better than me. Because they don't always.

I do have feelings.

I do take pride in my work.

I don't always need fifty editors.

I do feel disrespected.

Very, very disrespected.

And I'm quite tired of it.

One day, I will erupt over a seeming trifle.

And they'll all wonder why.

The sad part is they'll be honest when they'll say they don't know what set me off.

They're that indifferent; that unobservant.

They care that little.

And I am reaching the end of my patience.

I'm getting very tired...

2011-03-20T23:16:00.000-07:00

... of being perpetually ignored by people I'm trying to help.

Or being told I'm not good enough.

Or I don't follow the rules correctly.

I need to find people who appreciate what I do.

They do exist, don't they?

Things I intensely dislike

2011-03-16T05:53:00.000-07:00

My job. Or at least several of the people I work with.

Like the boss who rants about deadlines yet never meets any of their own.

And the boss' lap puppy.

Or those who think the boss is the dreamiest.

Self-appointed, puffed-up flyweight pundits with nothing to say.

People who demand to be the center of attention all the time who never pay you any unless you're making them the center of yours.

People who talk all day long about communication who never communicate.

Some days, this life.

All I wanted was a card.

2011-02-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

One card.

One simple card.

One little card.

Apparently it was too much to ask.

After all, it would have been such a commitment.

You know, finding ten minutes in a six week period to go to a store and find a card.

One card.

One simple card.

One little card.

No, far easier to hurt me instead;

far easier to say I'm so caught up in my own little world

that I could care less about yours.

Because you'll always be there

no matter how I ignore you;

how I treat you;

how I take you for granted.

Right?

Because, after all,

you're not really serious about all this, are you?

You're not really serious about asking me to go out of my way for you, are you?

Go through all that hassle;

all that work

of finding ten minutes in a six-week span

to go to a store

and buy you a card?

One simple card?

One little card?

I'm beginning to really hate life...

2011-02-13T22:48:00.000-08:00

... and I'm tired of carrying around all this anger.

Dear God, please bring me relief.

Bury It

2011-01-28T12:07:00.000-08:00

Bury the pain deep inside.

There's no one to talk to about it.

There's no one to share with about it.

No one knows. Not really.

Oh, some know the other side.

But no one knows yours.

And you don't dare tell.

So you bury it.

Bury the pain deep inside.

And pray it eventually goes away anyway.

Thoughts On Breaking Up With Your Work Spouse

2010-12-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

The first time I heard the term "work wife" or variation thereof was on an episode of The King of Queens, that über-realistic sitcom featuring a portly (to put it politely) parcel delivery driver and his insanely hot wife. Happens all the time, I am sure. Anyway, for whatever reason the delivery driver stopped by the office where his wife worked. Upon informing the receptionist of his relationship to his wife, the receptionist replied, "Oh, you're her home husband! She's over there with her work husband." Assorted hoary scenes of the jealous husband ensued. It was a sitcom, after all.

Back in the real world, the assorted and occasionally sordid dynamics of workplace relationships between the sexes have oft been discussed, be it in the clipped terminology of dry research or salacious sniggering in the latest gossip column. Usually, the thought process goes that men plus women plus time together equals a high probability of synchronized clothing removal. Thus, this is what receives the greatest amount of attention. Regardless of whether we care to admit it, we are a voyeuristic society, gleefully observing others do what we cannot, or will not despite a gnawing desire to partake in said activities, do ourselves.

This duly noted, there is an element of workplace relationships seldom discussed, yet if anything far more prevalent than actual office affairs. Namely, the aforementioned work spouse.

People tend to behave differently at work than at home: more reserved, more inclined to toe the line in how they conduct themselves. Part of this is fueled, hopefully, by professional courtesy toward co-workers. However, another inspiration is self-preservation. In a down economy, one in which employers take full advantage of rampaging unemployment to force more out of their employees with the threat of becoming the next statistic ever looming, no one wants to be hauled off to HR prison. Best to maintain a clean and low profile.

It is human nature to look for a partner, be it in real life or the somewhat less realistic life found in the workplace. Add to this the abnormal, albeit in a positive way, presentation of themselves most make on the job, adding into this the impetus of "us against them" which inserts a greater urgency to find someone with whom to form a union against the powers that be, or at the very least someone with whom to commiserate, and you have fertile ground for work spouses to emerge.

There is, of course, the angle of filling in the gaps that exist in real relationships. Unless you're one of the fortunate few who married, or are otherwise partnered with, the perfect person there are going to be shortcomings and irritants found with them. Without stepping into the danger zone - at least one hopes - seeking someone with whom to swap stories, not spit, about these things is normal. You're not looking for the one true soulmate. Rather, it's reassurance you're not alone in times of sighing over shortcomings.

So what happens when work spouses separate?

The reasons for this vary. Someone changes positions or departments within the company, thus losing the daily familiarity upon which the relationship was based. One person may decide the other is getting too close for comfort, or they themselves are becoming too attached, as a result withdrawing from it all as a matter of self-preservation; more accurately, real life relationship preservation. Sometimes people throw a work spouse overboard in favor of someone else they find more suitable. Whatever the reason or reasons may be, it takes place.

The abandoned party is likely to suffer in silence. It's rare they can talk to their actual partner about it, as this plays directly into any insecurity and/or suspicion held about the stability, or fidelity, of the relationship. Since work spousal relationships tend to be a private matter between those involved, talking about it with co-workers is not going to happen. Other friends? Maybe. By and large, though, the one left behind is left to their own devices, licking their wounds in private, thus being subjected to all the pain of dealing with a breakup and none of the usual support mechanisms.

If it's you at the lonely end of the rink, you deal as best you can, internalizing the hurt and anger. There are no other options. You can't challenge the other person over what's gone wrong and is there any way to restore the relationship. Not without risking the already referenced HR prison if the other person decides to play rough. You can't talk to anyone about it. You suck it up, take the hit and deal.

Admit the hurt, though.

Always admit the hurt.